


Disappointed is an understatement

by Weiru



Series: Haikyuu vent fics [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depressed Hinata Shouyou, Hinata Shouyou Needs a Hug, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insecure Hinata Shouyou, Insecurity, Kageyama is implied in this story since it gives hope to their being a partner that supports hinata, No Beta, One Shot, Sad Hinata Shouyou, Sad vibes yall im sorry, Self-Esteem Issues, Short One Shot, implied suicidal thoughts, sad fic, set before he meets kageyama and realises he is worth more, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25321255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weiru/pseuds/Weiru
Summary: Hinata had never been so disappointed in his life and the feeling was overwhelming. He felt as if he betrayed himself, he had waited so long and trained so hard only to come out with less than he had before.In a team where only he seemed to care what did he really think was going to happen?
Relationships: Hinata Natsu & Hinata Shouyou
Series: Haikyuu vent fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727368
Comments: 7
Kudos: 146





	Disappointed is an understatement

**Author's Note:**

> This is hypocritical from my side but guys if you are feeling sad or anything then please tell someone or just talk to one of your friends and if you dont have anyone to talk to then just feel free to comment with your thoughts and feelings. I will care and listen to it all even if you write massive amounts, ill read each and every word!  
> DISCLAIMER: Just to be clear i dont glorify depression or anything along those lines, this is just my thought, feelings and experiences. Please dont read if you arent feeling mentally okay. And please seek professional help too!

Hinata had felt disappointed many times but not as much as this. His eyes burned with unshed tears and the crushing feeling of defeat. He had tried to hard to win but it was as if he was the only one that cared. What did he realistically expect?

Hinata was always the one asking for people to throw him a toss and to them it was as if they were throwing their energy away with every throw but to him it was liberating and gave him more and more energy. He had dealt with the snide looks behind his back multiple times as he practiced with the girls but he couldn't help but feel let down as the very people he considered friends would laugh at hateful 'jokes' and tear him down.

Hinata's own parents didn't even support his dream and instead wanted him to focus on academics rather than what he truly wanted. When he walked back home after losing the match he felt the crushing feeling of defeat and sadness. In a team where only he seemed to care what did he really think was going to happen? 

The worst part of all wasnt even the fact that he lost or that noone else in the world supported him. No it was the fact that the people who knew how much this match meant to him didn't even try to win. They stood by and watched as the ball slipped past their fingers and didn't even try to save it. Hinata had the bruises all across his arms and legs from trying to catch the ball but noone else had even the slightest mar. 

They didnt even break out in a sweat and instead it was only hinata that had his hair soaked and his shirt clinging onto his body as he ran harder than ever before trying to make up for their mistakes. He had the cuts, sore knees and ankles from running back and forth on the court trying to make up for their mistakes. Not only that but he was the only one with tears running down his face and wishing that he would be able to stay on the court one day longer. 

Their steps just mocked him the whole game as their pace was much less than what he knew they were capable of. Hinata just couldnt understand what went wrong for them to act like this. He has always thought that they were good friends but this match made him rethink it all and the realisation made him sick to his stomach. They didn't really care about him after all. Volleyball was his only purpose in life and they threw it all away on the belief that they were doomed to fail from the start.

Hinata wasn't good at much other than physical sports unlike the rest of the boys his age. He had never been academically smart but in his mind there was only volleyball so what did it really matter. As long as he makes it to being the new Little Giant then thats all that matters. 

Tears began to well up in his swollen eyes yet again as he walked home and he harshly dug his nails into the palm of his hands to try and swallow down the pain and betrayal he felt. He really should've known from the beginning that they never cared otherwise he wouldn't have had to relentlessly beg them for tosses or plead with them to practice with him.

Hinata couldn't even breathe with the feeling of disappointment in his lungs and as he made his way to the door he paused. He stood there for a second trying to stuff his emotions back into his body and slapped his face a little to make sure that the redness from his crying looked more blended in. 

No matter how bad his day went he didn't want to prove his mother right and let her know that everything he hoped was impossible. He stuck his keys in the door and listened to the familiar sound of Natsu running towards the door to greet him. He didn’t know if he would be able to keep it calm if she looked at him with those expecting eyes yet again. 

He hated how much he disappointed her especially since he was supposed to be the elder sibling and role model. Who would ever look at him and wish to become like that?

‘Did you win?! Mommy didn’t want me to stay up but i had to promised to pack away all my toys so i could see you.’ Natsu pouted before snatching up his hand and dragging him into the hallway so he could take off his shoes. 

“I didn’t win this time, i will next time though! They were super strong but i can do it” Hinata said with a plastered on smile.

“Eh! But i stayed up! Why couldn’t you have just won already.” Natsu whined before scampering off into the living room. 

There was no responce that he could give to that. He knew he disappointed her and the feeling left him swallowing in an attempt to try crush the emotions that were bubbling over. He felt so worthless in these moments. 

Why couldn’t he just be a good brother for once? Why did he always let people down? 

“I really tried” Hinata whispered once he was by himself and tilted his head back, rapidly blinking before the tears could start to pour. He took off his jacket and hung it up before walking up to his bedroom.

The moment the door closed behind him, he slid back against the door as the sobs shuddered out of his body. His breaths were quick and short as he tried to smother the sounds of his tears with his hands. Hinata had never been so disappointed in his life and the feeling was overwhelming. He felt as if he betrayed himself, he had waited so long and trained so hard only to come out with less than he had before.

Hinata couldn’t even imagine the look on his friends faces tomorrow as he would have to tell them that he wasted his shot and failed at the one thing he swore to do. He had defended his dream against their jokes time and time again and to have to tell them that he failed would be more painful then a slap to the face. 

He had shed blood, countless tears and pain in order to get this far only to come out with nothing. Not even a team at his back when it counted most. In all honesty it was moments like this where he realised how little anyone supported him. They thought that he never noticed the way his parents seemed to look over their glasses at each other at any mention of volleyball, the way his friends glared at his back or the fact that he could see them running away from him at the corner of his vision. 

They thought he was an idiot but he couldn’t bring himself to think about how they looked at him otherwise he would shatter once again and this time he didn’t know if he could glue himself back together. 

He must’ve been a fool to think that they would take his dreams seriously especially when they all had dreams like being a lawyer or a teacher compared to his dream of being a professional volleyball player. Hinata didn’t even want to imagine the way his mother would smile sadly at him even as he would tell her that he failed yet again. To prove her point right would leave him with yet another bitter feeling in his chest and maybe it was self loathing but who really cares in the end.

He just wanted to do something good for once and not leave people feeling pity for him, he wanted to be looked up to and not have to be carried along by other peoples hopes that he will finally do something worthwhile. More tears seemed to flow down his face but the sinking feeling in his stomach only grew more and more. He had noone at his back. Noone that would keep him steady when he would sob into his pillow at night hoping for someone to see the signs that he wasnt okay, he wanted someone to see the way his excitement seemed to crumble once they turned him down. 

There was only so much times he could try fake the way he seemed to bounce back with energy. If he allowed himself to linger on the thought of how others thought about him then he would be left with tears that would never stop flowing down his face. 

Hinata didn’t think he was asking for much, all he wanted was someone to try just as hard as him and care about his dreams just as much as theirs. He didn’t have many reasons to live and it seemed to lessen each day that goes by when the people around him made him feel like the only thing he was good for was to be an annoyance. Hinata picked himself up from the floor and finally pushed the lock on his door in and began to walk into his bathroom so he could treat his wounds. 

The scratches and cuts along his legs were still bleeding, leaving him looking as he he was mauled by a dog. Maybe that would explain why he was looked at with mild concern as he was walking home, or maybe it was the tears? He had to step onto the footstool at the corner of the bath so he could reach up and grab the plasters hanging on the edge. 

Hinata stuck them into the biggest cuts since he only had a small amount left and then reached for the aloe vera jel and applied it to the smaller and lighter cuts along his knees and ankles. There would be noone else to patch himself up or even take care of him. He could only rely on himself and so once he crawled into his bed he examined that tiny morsel of knowledge and cradled it close to his heart. 

Maybe one day he’ll get someone at his back but for now he only has himself and thats all he could ask for. His legs still throbbed in pain but as he wrapped his arms around himself and rolled into a cocoon in his blanket he felt content for the first time that day.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it took me so long to post. My excuse is that depression is a bitch but now im back and im much better. Im also working on now around 30 fics at the same time so i hope you guys can be patient for that it might take a month or more (most are in mdzs but those are going to be the proper long ones, i also wont make you guys wait for those chapters, i wont post any fics unless im 100% finished with it) This fic was made because I couldn’t shake the feeling of being disappointed for around two weeks because of the things in social media lately and it was bringing me really down.
> 
> Let me know if you like this and if you got any suggestions of some angsty fics then let me know and ill at the very least consider it.


End file.
